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I just dropped over via Pharyngula. Yes ..."},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"Hi there. I just dropped over via Pharyngula. \u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EYes that is a powerful image; too bad it's entirely too common, if you have a long memory. \u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EIt was the garden thing (and Central PA — you mean State College. or where?) that got my ears up. How much sun do you get in the apartment's yard? That's a big factor. The BBG is a great source for garden lore. Take time to look at their site and publications. \u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EOh. Nasturtiums! Tasty and prolific."},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/5770646253550085305\/comments\/default\/3287734078103431542"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/5770646253550085305\/comments\/default\/3287734078103431542"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/04\/today-in-pictures.html?showComment=1209261060000#c3287734078103431542","title":""}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Anonymous"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"16","height":"16","src":"https:\/\/img1.blogblog.com\/img\/blank.gif"}}],"thr$in-reply-to":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/04\/today-in-pictures.html","ref":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-5770646253550085305","source":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/3776471029222786589/posts/default/5770646253550085305","type":"text/html"},"gd$extendedProperty":[{"name":"blogger.itemClass","value":"pid-1579906873"},{"name":"blogger.displayTime","value":"April 26, 2008 at 9:51 PM"}]},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-3593960159175225847"},"published":{"$t":"2008-04-18T09:40:00.000-04:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-04-18T09:40:00.000-04:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"I don't mind at all - I enjoy sharing my story, pa..."},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"I don't mind at all - I enjoy sharing my story, particularly with adoptees, adoptive parents, my fellow birthparents, and others who have close connections to adoption.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EMy son searched for me (I have the good fortune to live in a jurisdiction where it's so easy that \"search\" is almost the wrong word) and contacted me shortly before Christmas a year and a half ago.  (Best Christmas present ever!)  He and I hit it off so well on the phone that we went for coffee immediately, and have kept in touch since.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EI have to say I'm pretty skeptical about your family lore.  The whole \"go to visit an aunt\" thing, and it being kept secret from everybody else, is straight out of '60s YA lit.  (Not moralistic stuff - there was a whole branch of YA fiction in the '50s-'80s that focused on young people facing and meeting tough challenges; that was the tough-challenge reality of teen pregnancy in those days.)  By the time my son was born, in 1980, it was a whole 'nother world, especially for a young woman who was past her 18th birthday.  I won't say it \u003CI\u003Ecouldn't\u003C\/I\u003E have happened as your family lore describes; there'd be some variance based on rural\/urban, regional culture, your birthmom's family culture, and so on - but it'd be the exception, not the norm.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EYour birthmom not telling her husband - mostly part of the same chronoculture.  It's tied to a bunch of false assumptions about adoption - in particular, the idea that a birthmom \"puts her mistake behind her, forgets about it, and gets on with her life\".  Again, it's possible, but would require your birthmom to have been subject to a sort of shaming that was no longer the norm at the time, \u003CI\u003Eand\u003C\/I\u003E to still be so strongly influenced by that shaming that, even in a world where adoptees routinely seek their birth families, she's relying on hoping you don't rather than reveal her secret herself.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EAnd even then, there's a factor weighing in the other direction:  \u003CI\u003Ebirthmoms don't forget\u003C\/I\u003E.  It's unlikely she \"suffered horribly\" on Mothers' Day and your birthday, but it's almost certain she grieved, wondered about you and how you were doing, relived the decision-making process.  There are things she wants to know - above all, she wants your affirmation that she did the right thing, because it was you that she was trying to do the right thing for.  And odds-on, even if she hasn't told anyone about her \"youthful indiscretion\", her privacy is a price she'd be willing to pay to hear that affirmation.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EFrom what I know, most systems for tracking down birth families won't lead you to tip any previously-unknowing other relatives off unwittingly - they wouldn't be aware of the search itself; it'd be dependent on you actually making the contact.  First and foremost it's your birthmom you'd be looking for, so I figure it's unlikely you'd make contact with another relative unless you couldn't track her down.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EYour best first step, I think, would be to get in touch with support sources in your area - that might be an adoptees' support group, or a birthmoms' group, or even an adoption agency (depending how much they're support-oriented and not just a baby-broker - the ones here are very much the heart of the \"adoption community\", but I hear that's not always the case).  That will give you a chance to hear other people's stories, and get a better idea what getting in touch will involve.  (If there's a birthmoms' group that organizes something for Birth Mothers' Day, the day before Mothers' Day, I guarantee they'd be \u003CI\u003Ethrilled\u003C\/I\u003E to have an adoptee turn up at the event and want to hear their stories.)\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EThis is long, but barely scratches the surface.  You're completely welcome to keep asking questions; as I said, I enjoy doing this (in fact, I have trouble shutting up about it, as you can see!).\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003ESunflower"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/2124930152145989601\/comments\/default\/3593960159175225847"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/2124930152145989601\/comments\/default\/3593960159175225847"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/abortion-post.html?showComment=1208526000000#c3593960159175225847","title":""}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"SunflowerP"},"uri":{"$t":"https:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/15069913788437731669"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"27","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/bp1.blogger.com\/_Pkb7DSOKgTo\/R89QXtQSaKI\/AAAAAAAAAAM\/bPa9xTRvlvk\/S220\/LegoLisa.jpg"}}],"thr$in-reply-to":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/abortion-post.html","ref":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-2124930152145989601","source":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/3776471029222786589/posts/default/2124930152145989601","type":"text/html"},"gd$extendedProperty":[{"name":"blogger.itemClass","value":"pid-1164039208"},{"name":"blogger.displayTime","value":"April 18, 2008 at 9:40 AM"}]},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-563286790672123929"},"published":{"$t":"2008-04-18T07:19:00.000-04:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-04-18T07:19:00.000-04:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Thanks for stopping by, and (cliche as this sounds..."},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"Thanks for stopping by, and (cliche as this sounds) for sharing. I'm glad you were able to make the choice that was right for you.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EIf you don't mind my asking, do you have contact with the child? I'm debating whether to try and get in touch with my birthmother, now that I'm a few years over 18. I'm worried about her privacy; that if, say, she's gotten married and hasn't told her husband, for example,  or if along the way I accidentally tip off heretofore-unknowing family members... yeah, I don't want to do that. \u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EFamily lore says that most of her family was religious\/conservative and wasn't informed when she \"went away\". Then again, I don't know how much of family lore was actually the background adoption info and how much was Mom telling me stories to a.) make me comfortable with who I was and where I came from and b.) inculcate her (fairly conservative) family values. Like, I'm fairly certain that Mom's insistence that my birthfather supported my birthmother financially through the pregnancy (since I doubt that info would have been made available) was to make me feel I half came from a decent guy, and to point to a positive example of the fulfillment of a moral obligation. The \"good girl who made a mistake and is now hurt by it but did the right thing... please don't get pregnant yourself it sucks\" was part of that narrative, too."},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/2124930152145989601\/comments\/default\/563286790672123929"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/2124930152145989601\/comments\/default\/563286790672123929"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/abortion-post.html?showComment=1208517540000#c563286790672123929","title":""}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Falyne"},"uri":{"$t":"https:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/15333605189090246488"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"16","height":"16","src":"https:\/\/img1.blogblog.com\/img\/b16-rounded.gif"}}],"thr$in-reply-to":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/abortion-post.html","ref":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-2124930152145989601","source":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/3776471029222786589/posts/default/2124930152145989601","type":"text/html"},"gd$extendedProperty":[{"name":"blogger.itemClass","value":"pid-745503621"},{"name":"blogger.displayTime","value":"April 18, 2008 at 7:19 AM"}]},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-6274881682489665156"},"published":{"$t":"2008-04-17T09:29:00.000-04:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-04-17T09:29:00.000-04:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"The courteous how-I-found-you:  You made an irresi..."},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"The courteous how-I-found-you:  You made an irresistible quip on BitchPhD about Orwell not writing instruction manuals.  Next thing you know, I was looking at polyhedra!\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EThough your post is a few weeks old, I can't \u003CI\u003Enot\u003C\/I\u003E comment.  Y'see, one of the reasons I'm pro-choice is that I'm a birthmom.  I deeply value having been able to make my own decision, when I was faced with unplanned pregnancy; I know from the inside that it's a choice no one else can make.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003EI'll likely take to stopping by from time to time; I've enjoyed what you've posted so far.\u003CBR\/\u003E\u003CBR\/\u003ESunflower"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/2124930152145989601\/comments\/default\/6274881682489665156"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/2124930152145989601\/comments\/default\/6274881682489665156"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/abortion-post.html?showComment=1208438940000#c6274881682489665156","title":""}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"SunflowerP"},"uri":{"$t":"https:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/15069913788437731669"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"27","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/bp1.blogger.com\/_Pkb7DSOKgTo\/R89QXtQSaKI\/AAAAAAAAAAM\/bPa9xTRvlvk\/S220\/LegoLisa.jpg"}}],"thr$in-reply-to":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/abortion-post.html","ref":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-2124930152145989601","source":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/3776471029222786589/posts/default/2124930152145989601","type":"text/html"},"gd$extendedProperty":[{"name":"blogger.itemClass","value":"pid-1164039208"},{"name":"blogger.displayTime","value":"April 17, 2008 at 9:29 AM"}]},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-3740019509221675818"},"published":{"$t":"2008-04-14T21:58:00.000-04:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-04-14T21:58:00.000-04:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"4th edition already?  Argh, I've got to buy the DM..."},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"4th edition already?  Argh, I've got to buy the DMG again!"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/6767818035067520464\/comments\/default\/3740019509221675818"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/6767818035067520464\/comments\/default\/3740019509221675818"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/first-dorky-post.html?showComment=1208224680000#c3740019509221675818","title":""}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"That guy"},"uri":{"$t":"https:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/12254412890551965391"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"16","height":"16","src":"https:\/\/img1.blogblog.com\/img\/b16-rounded.gif"}}],"thr$in-reply-to":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/first-dorky-post.html","ref":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-6767818035067520464","source":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/3776471029222786589/posts/default/6767818035067520464","type":"text/html"},"gd$extendedProperty":[{"name":"blogger.itemClass","value":"pid-2118197597"},{"name":"blogger.displayTime","value":"April 14, 2008 at 9:58 PM"}]},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-1474737802340813469"},"published":{"$t":"2008-03-25T10:56:00.000-04:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-03-25T10:56:00.000-04:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Thanks Liss! ^_^"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"Thanks Liss! ^_^"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/6724732463099823323\/comments\/default\/1474737802340813469"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/6724732463099823323\/comments\/default\/1474737802340813469"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/lets-do-this-thing.html?showComment=1206456960000#c1474737802340813469","title":""}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Falyne"},"uri":{"$t":"https:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/15333605189090246488"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"16","height":"16","src":"https:\/\/img1.blogblog.com\/img\/b16-rounded.gif"}}],"thr$in-reply-to":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/lets-do-this-thing.html","ref":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-6724732463099823323","source":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/3776471029222786589/posts/default/6724732463099823323","type":"text/html"},"gd$extendedProperty":[{"name":"blogger.itemClass","value":"pid-745503621"},{"name":"blogger.displayTime","value":"March 25, 2008 at 10:56 AM"}]},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-193733309725431508"},"published":{"$t":"2008-03-25T09:07:00.000-04:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-03-25T09:07:00.000-04:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Welcome to the blogosphere (as a blogger)!  ;-)"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"Welcome to the blogosphere (as a blogger)!  ;-)"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/6724732463099823323\/comments\/default\/193733309725431508"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/3776471029222786589\/6724732463099823323\/comments\/default\/193733309725431508"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/lets-do-this-thing.html?showComment=1206450420000#c193733309725431508","title":""}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Melissa McEwan"},"uri":{"$t":"https:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/04784594504716679607"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"16","height":"16","src":"https:\/\/img1.blogblog.com\/img\/b16-rounded.gif"}}],"thr$in-reply-to":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","href":"http:\/\/falynes.blogspot.com\/2008\/03\/lets-do-this-thing.html","ref":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3776471029222786589.post-6724732463099823323","source":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/3776471029222786589/posts/default/6724732463099823323","type":"text/html"},"gd$extendedProperty":[{"name":"blogger.itemClass","value":"pid-1825352122"},{"name":"blogger.displayTime","value":"March 25, 2008 at 9:07 AM"}]}]}});